Emotions and Appointments

Sorry for not writing yesterday. Things got off to a rocky start. We woke up at 7:50am that meant not only were we going to be late, but I had to get both kids to school since Bart had to be at work ASAP. I managed to get B to school at 8:15 and came back for SE. When came back to pick her up she wasn’t even dressed. This of course frustrated me to no end. Finally, with much drama I had her ready to go. She was screaming about food. I told her if she had gotten up and dressed when asked she would have had time for food, but now there was no time. She would have to wait until I picked her up at 11:30. This of course made her very angry and she screamed at me and told me she hated me. I finally got her to school at 9:20am.


I had my regularly scheduled therapy appointment at 9:45. Our main point of discussion was SE’s lying and how it should be handled. My therapist suggested I shouldn’t have punished her at home. She said the event happened at school and the school took care of the discipline. Thinking she should be punished further was an archaic notion. She also said we should let SE know we always be there to love and support her no matter what, which we do anyway. She stressed the importance of making SE aware of the fact that whether or not she actually did commit the act, in the past she’s done things to lose our trust as well as the people at the schools. She will have to work extra hard to regain that trust and possibly endure some things she doesn’t like.

At lunch, B & SE had appointments with their psychiatrist. He’s a wonderful man. He’s doesn’t just see them for med checks. He wants to know how things are going at home and in school. What I like most about him is he engages the children as well as me in the conversation. Their thoughts and opinions matter. He’s also a straight shooter, no bullshit. He tells it like it is and if you don’t like it too bad.

He addressed SE’s lying. She recounted her tale and he called it bending the truth. He said it would serve her well if she ever decided to become a lawyer, but it was not a good attribute for a 10 year-old. He told her how smart she was and how he knew that she knew better than to do these things and if she kept them up pretty soon no one would trust her at all. She seemed to take this to heart. She also told him how unhappy she was at her current school, how unchallenged and isolated she felt. He told her she was likely to feel that way anywhere she went because she was such a smart girl and the best thing to do would be to just accept who she was and be comfortable with it.

Next he moved to B. I told him how well things were going for him at school and at home with only a few bumps here and there. Then I told him about the previous Friday when B chose to come home from school and the aggression he showed toward me. He asked me what his consequences were for hitting and kicking me. I didn’t have an answer. There really hadn’t been any. He said, “Asperger’s kids are concrete thinkers. You have to do things in concrete terms.” He asked B what he thought I would do I a man hit or kicked me. B said something like, call the police and stay away from him. The Dr. said, “Yes, So what’s she supposed to do when you hit and kick her?” B didn’t have an answer for that. The Dr. said he should have been disciplined for at least a couple of days. That meant when he asked to do something bringing up the entire incident again and reminding him why he couldn’t do the thing he wanted. Letting him know that you’re still hurt and angry over what happened. He can apologize and be sorry all he wants but it can’t make up for the violence that he did to you. It has to stop. He told B he was not a bad kid, but if he continued to do bad things to me others might start to only see the bad in him and view him as a bad kid so it was important to get a hold on his emotions when he was angry and not lash out. B listened. I don’t think he liked it but he listened.

Later in the afternoon both children had talk therapy. I think this gave them a chance to talk more about their feelings and talk about their visit with the doctor. I think it well for both of them.